Chemo Treatment #4

Just when I thought I was getting used to this...Treatment #4 hit me like a ton of bricks on a Sunday afternoon in Fletcher Park. Sipping on a shandy when I should have been woofing down water, I ended up couch side instead of poolside. By the time we made it back to Vlad's house I was overwhelmed with nausea and oppressive fatigue. Instead of ending our weekend with some bruschetta and sparkling wine, we spent the rest of our evening on the couch watching Episode 1 of the Last Season (#6) of Lost--well, Vlad did anyway. I just kinda of laid there and held on. I don't recall much other than Vlad going crazy because the rest of Season 6 is not online until August 25th.

Unfortunately Monday did not bring any relief. I had a jam packed schedule I felt I could not ignore so I wrapped a scarf around my head and suffered through the day as best I could. I must have looked close to death because people stayed away...only a few brave souls came in with wide open stares to ask if they could get me anything. I kept telling myself to go home, but the thought of moving too much made my stomach swirl as if I was on roller coaster. Somehow I found myself back on the couch shortly after 5pm and I didn't get up again until 8pm. I forced myself to take a short walk just around the block. I remember each step feeling heavy and the pavement pulsing as if I would fall into it.

Now I know what my dog felt like when we had to give it arsenic to kill the heart worms that had invaded his heart. It's a mixed up world when you have to feed a body poison to get better. These drugs I'm taking feel like fire coursing through my veins and the only thing that banks this under your skin burn is water.

It's Tuesday night and I just returned from a longer walk..I made it out of Vlad's neighborhood this time. I actually feel better having walked for an hour and I want to eat something. Vlad bought a sampling of frozen yogurt to try....that sounds pretty good. I think I'll dig in.

Fluid Memories Celebrates Saba

Besides getting back onto my bike and filling my calendar with visits with friends and family instead of visits to see white coats in giant medicine cabinets, I am looking forward to the trip that never was: I’ll call it the Saba Sacrifice. Back in June Vlad and I were supposed to go with our friends Mark and Lynn and David and Gayland to Saba, a small tropical island across from Saint Somewhere. It’s a diver’s paradise and boasts the shortest commercial runway in the world. I remember sitting across from Mark and Lynn on a cold, dreary winter night at Haru, one of our favorite restaurants eating sushi and laughing about our latest West Coast dance lesson fiasco. Wanting to move on to something more enticing, Mark brought up the idea to plan our next diving vacation. Encouraged by our mutual desire for exotic adventure and incredible diving, Mark came up with the suggestion to go to Saba. He did all the planning: from finding the airline tickets and dive operator, to scoring a great deal on an incredible villa in the hilltops of this dormant volcanic island. The plan was to dive each day and buy local food to prepare our meals together. Lynn and I dreamed about all the fresh fruits and vegetables, Mark talked about the fresh seafood, and Vlad went wild about the mojitos. The villa was spacious enough that each couple would have their own bedroom and bathroom. It also had an outdoor pool that included a breathtaking view of the blue-green Caribbean waters. By December we were booked and ready to go. Then BAM! Breast cancer hit me. I told Mark, Lynn and Vlad I didn’t care. I was going to Saba regardless. Then BAM! The reality of breast cancer treatment hit me harder. Sometime in late May I recall making the awful decision not to go. It was a terrible realization of what I would have to give up in order to get better. After getting over the shock of the Saba Sacrifice, Vlad and I decided never to look back. We were happy our friends would carry on and pave the way for an even grander trip back to Saba.

A couple of weeks ago Mark and Lynn had us over for an incredible dinner and to share with us what they encountered at Saba. From their arrival to their departure, it was a magical adventure. The diving was spectacular and the ambiance of the island unforgettable. Saba is definitely worth waiting for. Here is their incredible video that gives a glimpse of what we are looking forward to when we finally get to take the trip that never was (just hit the arrow below):

Chemo Treatment #3

I had my third treatment on July 15th. My white blood count was very low going into the Treatment--2.5 (4 is low for a healthy person)--so the doc insisted I take the nasty neupogene shots for seven days. On the sixth day I had terrible cramping and headaches so I said enough is enough and skipped the last one. My follow up lab on July 24th showed a white blood cell count of 14 (10 is high for a healthy person). The highest I've been after a week of neupogene is 45 (#1) and then 26 (#2) and then 14 (#3)...so looks like the biggest challenge for me is keeping my white blood cells at a healthy level. I see more Neupogene in my future. I suppose I've been lucky not having had any infections because I'm not much of a housekeeper, I refuse to buy Clorox wipes, and I'm doing a poor job of washing my veges and fruits. Hey! At least I'm not eating raw cookie dough and sushi.

The Ten Terrible Days following Treatment went much better this time. I purposely took less nausea meds, which I think helped with my appetite. I still preferred Wasa crackers, poached eggs and dry toast, but I was able to eat more. I also ate small amounts throughout the day, which may have been what kept the nausea from building. The worst day was Day 5...I was basically incapacitated with fatigue. Have you ever suffered from fatigue? I've been tired before, but never in my life have I not been able to get myself out of bed. I stayed home and basically went in and out of sleep the entire day. I didn't even have the energy to read or watch anything on Vlad's big screen TV. When Vlad came home from work I forced myself to get up and go for a walk. We went to Lake Johnson and walked very slowly around the lake. I had to tell Vlad to slow down. Fortunately, I felt better the next day and was able to return to work, although at times I was quite dizzy.

I'm into week #2 and feeling better. The tired feeling comes in waves...and so do other symptoms, which seems strange to me. One minute I'm feeling fine, the next I have a slick taste in my mouth, my heart is beating hard, and I have to lay down.

Vlad tried to get a picture of me up close...but my eyes would not cooperate. We thought the pictures altogether made for a funny composition....


Treatment #4 is August 5th--fortunately, after the July month end close at work. Vlad and I plan to take advantage of the coming weekend before I start another Ten Days of Crude. The good news is the tumor is shrinking and I am meeting with a Duke surgeon on August 25th. I would like to discuss the possibility of having the surgery while I'm on chemo rather than waiting until October. I'd like to get what's left over of that nasty lump out of my body. Now that we have confirmed that my particular cancer is being impacted by the chemo drugs, why continue to wait to remove the original tumor?

Guess what this is?

First person to post the right guess wins a prize at the "In the Buff" Party.

Person with the most creative guess wins a prize at the "In the Buff" Party.

Apple Pie Time

After a holiday weekend of debauchery, I've
successfully put lost pounds back on. Thanks, Mom, for making your legendary apple pie. Vlad and I have been steadily enjoying it a la mode. I don't think a better apple pie exists.






















Our long weekend started with a buzz cut. Yep! I finally took the plunge and had my head shaved. Did you know 40% of your body heat escapes through your head? Instant air conditioning effect for the summer. I asked Sheila to experiment with different shaving patterns, but ultimately opted to go completely buff.


















On Saturday, Vlad and I took advantage of a rare, Carolina summer morning with 70 degree temps to plant a pair of rhododendrons he picked up from Home Depot for 24 dollars.

It was a monumental task to dig holes for these gigantic specimens.




















I got off easy as the water support girl. Vlad was sore from head to toe the next day, but the effort was worth it. Cross your fingers that these shade tolerant, moisture loving plants will survive the water and soil challenged backyard landscape. The deep shade may be their only hope.




Hey Zoe and Radu....believe it or not, we have been making progress on the sea of Monkey Grass. We have added five rows. We have run out of raw material and have to go pick up more next weekend. I told Vlad that there was NO way we couldn't finish what you started before you came back to visit. The roots! Oh my! What a hard job. I cannot believe what you both endured to get so many rows planted.






Saturday night we went to the annual fireworks display at Lake Benson. We packed pork sandwiches, pickles, and spinach salad. We were joined by friends who contributed to the picnic with their own favorites. As always, the fireworks were captured beautifully through Vlad's photographs. We all had a great time and look forward to next year's annual pilgrimage to Lake Benson. Traditions really do pull people together. They are a positive, organizing principal of life.





Today is day ten from treatment and the last day of our long holiday weekend. I actually slept through the night and woke up feeling refreshed. After a 10 miler on the stationary bike I am feeling the best I have all weekend. I still have this slick chemical taste in my mouth, but overall I am feeling much stronger. Vlad and I plan to take it easy. We may skoot over to the Farmers Market and then to my place for some pool time. I'm looking forward to the salata de vinete, shrimp, and grilled fresh vegetables we will share together this evening--along with a slice of apple pie, of course.

I'll end this post with some cactus flowers currently in bloom in Vlad's ever growing collection.




















or about to be....................

Its a Wasa Week

I've discovered that the week following a chemo treatment is a Wasa Week. What does this mean? A week without much food. However, I have found some things I do look forward to: Vlad's poached eggs with toasted ciabatta is a good start to the morning with my daily shot of Neupogen. Wasa crackers with a little peanut buttter plus canned pears in fruit juice gets me through lunch, and frozen bay scallops sauteed for 3 minutes for dinner. I can eat about half the package. And I love to share a piece of watermelon with Vlad in the evening. As I move through Wasa Week it is tough on everyone to see me suffering and to think I'm starving to death. It is rough, but I hope you all find comfort in the fact that I am aware of my weight loss and am highly motivated to find a program that will help me receive the nutrition and calories I need so that I will have the strength to endure the next treatment I do not want to get off schedule! Lets keep this show moving forward.

Chemo Treatment #2

June 24. Chemo Treatment #2. Not such a big deal now...took my pre-meds, wore the right clothing, put the numbing cream on my port, packed some snacks, my phone, a book and headed off to Waverly with my chemo partner: Mom. Vlad took the opportunity to take this nice shot of his thriving cactus collection, although it only represents about a third of the grand total.

For this treatment we brought the camera to capture the madness. First step is get your counts: My red blood count was good...white blood count was low (3.2---normal is 7-10). Everyone made waaay too much of a big deal about a few lost pounds. Don't worry about me losing too much weight folks...it will come back easily when I can eat all the food I love again. And I plan to have a huge smorgasbord at the end of the Chemo Phase with all kinds of indulgences. Zoe....can you convince Vlad to make some of those delicious spinach clatite for the party? And, oh!, how I look forward to the gigantic, homemade butter rich pound cake with gobs of chocolate ice cream with 6 candles to commemorate the end of each treatment.

Have any of you ever been in a chemo room? The chemo room at Waverly is an interesting combination of tranquilty and astounding bizarrity. Imagine patients settled into comfortable recliners, with books on their laps and friends by their sides. Their recliners face large open windows with unobstructed views of the beautiful upper branches of the trees that surround the building. It feels like you are in treehouse as you watch the sunlight dance between the leaves and see the birds and squirrels move effortlessly from one branch to another. There is a large table filled with books and magazines , poetry, music, scarves, hats and notes of inspiration. Some patients quietly talk to one another sharing their stories, some laugh easily, others cry, and others sit silent with their eyes closed. Each one of them is tentacled to a portable machine through a needle in their chest wall. Through this odd looking connection fluids pour into their bodies. What's astonishing is that this fluid is a poison that is both hurting them and healing them. An uncomfortable duality that makes you not want to be there, but never to miss a treatment.

Since my white cell count was down I have to take those expensive shots that tell my bone marrow to get busy building white blood cells. I'm not looking foward to those side effects, but I'll endure them as I do NOT want to be turned away Jul 15th for Treatment #3. I've got a schedule to keep and a party to plan!

After I received my fill of the herceptin, taxotere, and carboplatin, the plan was to head over to the Lovely Lady to shave my head and get fitted for the wig. However, with my groovy short haircut the balding is less noticable (at least that is what I am telling myself)....so...I'm hanging on to every hair on my head as long as I can. With great relief, Mom and I packed our bags and headed out for some shopping therapy. First the shoe store, then some fun boutiques, before we ended up at the grocery store to stock up on our favorite drink of the moment: Arizona de-caffinated, sugar-free ginseng ice tea. Only one grocery store sells it so when we find it--we stock up! Leftover jugs get converted into scoops for Vlad's homemade soil brews---and for whatever else inspires Vlad.......



It's Sunday afternoon as I am writing this blog and the effects of the chemo are setting in. Mostly loss of appetite, metal mouth, fatigue, a thirst that cannot be quenched, headaches....all manageable. It will be an uncomfortable week, but the further away I get from Jun 24th, the better I will feel and best of all, the smaller the tumor will be.

I'll end today's entry with a whimsical look at this thing we call cancer. Maybe if we can find a away to laugh at it we don't have to be so scared about it. It should be no surprise that Stephanie and Rhondi picked this card out. These 2 will always help you find your way back to the lighter side of life.

Beaufort Blunders

We decided we needed a weekend away from doctors, hospitals, medicines, and all things related. So Vlad, Mom and I packed our bags and headed down Friday night with high hopes for a relaxing Beaufort weekend. We invited our friend Bill for the same reason: His girlfriend, Susan, was diagnosed June 11 with acute leukemia. Since then Bill has been by Susan’s side as she moved from the emergency room, to Rex Hospital, to UNC Cancer Center, where she currently is receiving aggressive chemotherapy treatment. With her approval, Bill decided a Beaufort weekend was just what he needed to catch his breath and take a break to build strength for the journey ahead.

Not wanting to stay in Discovery Dive’s resort lodge, otherwise known as the “Camping Pit of the Northeast Coast”, we booked a room at the County Home in Beaufort: A laid back, old hotel style B&B with lots of charm and loads of quiet on its rocking chair filled porches, and quaint, comfortably furnished studio rooms. No mold or questionable mattresses to be found here….

We also managed to organize a Saturday night cookout with our friends Brian, Ruth and Ruth’s mom, Helen. Brian had caught a 900 pound Marlin. Wait a minute… that was the winner of the Big Rock fishing tournament…I meant a gigantic, African Pompano. (not sure why a fish caught in the Atlantic ocean is referred to as African, but trust me on this one), which he intended to grill up Saturday night for our dining pleasure…

As we drove down Friday night we were all excited for our weekend of diving, boating, shopping, sight seeing and visiting with friends, but our friend Murphy had other plans in store for us.

Blunder #1

I forgot my cell phone. I’d like to blame that on the cancer, but unfortunately, I forget my cell phone way too often for anyone to believe that line. As a result, I had a ton of messages waiting for me when I returned to Raleigh.

Blunder #2

Mom forgot her camera. This means that this historic weekend in Beaufort will not be remembered in pictures-----but perhaps that’s a good thing.

Blunder #3

Related to Blunder #1: no one exchanged cell phone numbers…so I did not know Bill’s number…Brian and Ruth only had my number, which was useless, and no one knew Mom’s number, which became the only reliable number anyone could be reached at for part of the weekend.

Blunder #4

Mom has a Trac phone, which meant all those calls we made using her phone to people who didn’t know her phone number cost a lot of roaming minutes.

Blunder #5

Bill left his BC in Raleigh. This meant that he had to use a rental and anyone familiar with diving knows that a BC takes some time getting used to.

Blunder #6

As big consumers of ice we didn’t have much. And on one of the hottest weekends of the year to date, this was not a good thing.

Blunder #7

After enjoying a relaxing breakfast together, Mom and I parked the car at Discovery Dive and started our leisurely walk though the small town of Beaufort. Little did we know that I had dropped Vlad’s cell phone somewhere in the parking lot. We spent the entire day shopping and walking without a clue that our sole means of contacting Vlad and Bill was cooking away in the parking lot.

Blunder #8

At about 230pm Mom and I, completely starved and parched, were filling up our cooler with cold ice back at the County Home. A knock on the door was an unwelcome surprise: Why would anyone knock on our door?

Blunder #9

This one was not really a blunder…more like bad luck. Bill got bent after the first dive. An ambulance was waiting for him when they returned to shore.

Blunder #10

That knock on the door was our wake up call to the fact that Vlad and Bill had just spent the last five hours at Cataret County Hospital in Morehead City. I was in deep do do for not having a cell phone handy.

Blunder #11

Mom and I finally make it to the hospital. We are there for about two hours when the doc at Cateret decides to let Bill go…despite Bill’s inability to walk a straight line.

Blunder #12

We decide to forge ahead with our dinner plans and head to Brian’s house for African Pampano.

Heroic Save #1

Vlad insists we bring along an extra oxygen tank---just in case.

Blunder#13

Bill’s symptoms return and we head back to Cateret at about 11pm. Bill connected to said oxygen tank.

Blunder #14

We spend the rest of Saturday night and a good portion of Sunday morning at Cateret. The long wait due to the diving chamber doc on call at Duke not responding to his phone. How can you rely on these folks who don’t keep their cell phones handy?

Heroic Save #2

Sometime early Sunday morning Bill catches a wild ride to Duke in an ambulance driven by an 8 month pregnant woman. Fortunately she doesn’t go into labor on the way to Durham. Mom and I get off the bench outside Cateret and the three of us head back to Count y Home for three hours sleep.

Blunder #15

While Vlad is diving, Mom and I decide to save the day by contacting all of Bill’s family and getting Bill’s things from his beach house at Salter Path

Blunder #16

No one in Bill’s family is available. We go in search for the beach house at Salter Path based on foggy directions from a bent Bill.

Blunder #17

Mom and I spend the next four hours looking for said beach house. We finally get in touch with Bill’s son who gives directions to 4 different houses, none of which are the elusive beach house

Blunder #18

Mom almost succumbs to heat stroke looking for Bill’s beach house.

Blunder #19

We give up on the beach house and head back to Disovery Dive to get Vlad, who came ashore early and was patiently waiting for us…again.

Heroic Save #3

While Mom cools off at the County Home, Vlad and I head back to Salter Path where Vlad is able to quickly identify the elusive beach house, which was delightfully cool with all of Bill’s stuff neatly folded ready to be picked up and brought back to Raleigh.

Blunder #20

Vlad drives Bill’s brand new BMW while Mom and I pack up Vlad’s luxury Corolla for a harrowing drive back to Raleigh in a thunderstorm.

Heroic Save#4

We make it back to Raleigh from our relaxing Beaufort weekend in one piece. All this time Bill is in the de-benting chamber at Duke, finally getting the peace and quiet he needed.

True story. I swear.